No Tricks...Only Treats

As Halloween approaches and the school year is ending its first quarter, both Sarah and I can say we are happy with Elijah's progress. His social-skills therapy (which took place at, as he called it, "the playhouse") has ended for the time being, and it has, without question, moved him forward in his limited interpersonal relationships. A wave and "hello" at a first meeting are much easier for him, and his goodbyes at school are always punctuated with a hug a proper farewell. There are still mistakes and some awkwardness, but there is no doubt progress as well.

Another example of how far Elijah has come occurred at a local park, where he shared the see-saw with another child (after first asking if he could play with him) and had a very sweet interaction with a baby girl. She had grabbed a tennis ball Elijah was playing with, and when her mother took it from her to return it to Elijah, she started crying hysterically. Elijah, sensing how upset she was, walked over and gave the ball back to her, which put a smile on both of their faces.

As wonderful as that scene was, something even more special happened later that night when we went to our favorite restaurant for dinner. While we were waiting for a table, Elijah walked up to another little girl who had been playing at the park that day and said hello and asked her if she had been at the park. Although her "yes" was delivered with a look that will serve her well 20 years from now when she tells a guy at a bar to get lost, the fact that Elijah recognized her and initiated a conversation without prompting was a major step forward.

Because of the incredible weather, we have been making trips to a park (as well as taking endless walks through various housing developments in our area to view the cul-de-sacs and the basketball goals that populate them) as part of our weekend routine. Last week, a visit to another park (this one by my office) yielded both an attempt at kite flying (unsuccessful) and some down time with Mom. And of course, some time on the swings as well.

During all of these activities, Elijah has been more engaged and aware of both situations and people around him. Even though there is much whining about a variety of subjects, he is quite clear as to what

he likes (listening to "Smooth" by Santana in the car at least twice in a row) and what he doesn't appreciate (the fact that he cannot eat "unhealthy food" for every meal.) These give- and-takes may not seem like much, but compared with our interactions with him even a year ago, they show the incremental steps forward that give us great hope for the future.

Then there are those moments when things don't go as we hope. Last weekend, our health club held its annual Halloween party. We thought it would be a great idea to ask Elijah's friend Janey to join us, and Elijah loved the idea.

Dressed in costumes, the two of them seemed to be

having fun. Elijah got to rock-climb, and he and

Janey played in the bouncy house for quite a while. But then Elijah, being Elijah, insisted they watch a movie and then go play a computer game (a variation on his latest obsession, "Angry Birds") at the child center. Janey, being more patient than any child should be, agreed to this, and when it was time to leave was happy to come back to the house for some lunch and more playtime. Elijah would have none of that! He insisted she go home immediately, and when this demand was denied, he went crying up to his room.

Realizing (as he always does) that this behavior was not going to change anything, he came

downstairs and proceeded to draw with Janey as they watched "Alice in Wonderland."

We later found out part of the reason for Elijah's bad behavior was that he was hoping that another little girl from his school would come over, and I guess he was fearful that the two would meet. That playdate was finalized today, and the two will hopefully have a fun time tomorrow (the little guy has been smiling all day since he got the news!). The fact that he really wants his playmates to come over (after some unnecessary drama) and that these little girls are so sweet and understanding about his quirks, is something very special and couldn't make us happier.

Walking Man

There's been lots of walking around here the past few weeks as Elijah has started a social skills group twice a week that allows Sarah to burn off some calories as she walks around the neighborhood that the "playhouse" (as Elijah calls the therapist's home) is located. That is in addition to the nightly walks Elijah insists we take as he makes his way through every cul-de-sac in every housing development within a 10-mile radius of our home. After these walks, he immediately goes home and re-creates the street we just walked on, drawing the homes and basketball goals he viewed. The nuances of each street and goal are very evident to his discerning eye, but to be honest, neither Sarah and I see the detail he picks up on.

As I mentioned, Elijah has been involved in a new social skills group, and on a recent trip to our local Barnes & Noble, I witnessed a major change in a behavioral situation. As he approached the toy train set in the children's section, he initiated an introduction with a woman there and asked her son if he could share one of the trains. Since both of these actions

were done without any prompting, I couldn't wait to tell Sarah about this new development. The fact that his voice and tone were eerily similar to Eddie Haskell of the "Leave It To Beaver" show was perhaps the only drawback.

The first walk this past week that was actually scheduled was the Catwalk, a fundraiser at Elijah's elementary school. Elijah walked with his para, Ms. Pennie, and seemed (as the picture shows) to have had a great time, not only at the walk, but with a friend afterward.

The other walk this past weekend was when Elijah, Sarah and myself were joined by friends and family at the Autism Speaks Walk at the Kansas Speedway. The weather was perfect, and little guy was excited to see the members of his walk team show up to support him. The arrival of Miss Nikki (who had worked with Elijah earlier this year as part of her graduate work) and her husband brought a big smile to Elijah's face. He was delighted that his friend Janey (and her mother) came to walk with him. As always, the arrival of Uncle George and Aunt Julie brought a smile to his face, as did the arrivals of Ali and April, who have gotten to know Elijah while working at the child center at our health club. But NOTHING compared to seeing another former worker at the club, Kelsey, who left the area to go off to college.

When Elijah saw her, his first words were, "Kelsey, I've missed you," and the ear-to-ear grin

and hug were a joy to see. Elijah held hands with Kelsey and Nikki almost the entire walk, enjoying their company so much he wanted to keep on walking (as long as he got a cupcake from the refreshment area).

After the walk, it was time to say goodbye, not only to our team members, but to all those who have gotten to know Elijah through the years and were at Resource Center at the walk site. This included not only Miss Tiffany, who runs the summer camp Elijah goes to and also teaches him piano, but his new social skill therapists as well (Melissa, Melinda and Eileen), who gave Elijah a big hug and hello.

Once he had said all of his goodbyes to his "older" women, Elijah turned his attention to his friend Janey, and the two of them ran off to the inflatables area and played there until the guys who owned the equipment finally deflated them to go home. (Elijah told me that as the air came out of them, they "looked like the Witch in the Wizard of Oz when she melted.")

Just like last year, it was a great day for the walk, and the support we had made it very special for our family. For those of you who walked with us, supported us with a contribution or did both, I can't begin to thank you enough. From the moment Elijah got there, his smile never left his face. Like any parents, we have good and bad days, but sometimes we seem to carry a burden that Elijah has no clue even exists, so the smile he had on walk day was one that we could truly share and relish in. As Elijah rushed over to give Janey a hug as she left, I thought about how far we had come over the past year and how we should never take for granted those little gestures that can mean so much.

At Last..Second Grade and TJ's

Excitement (as least for Mom and Dad) has been rampant here as both school and Trader Joe's opened their doors these past weeks. Trader Joe's has been all that we remembered it to be, good food at a good value. They also have discovered how to cover every possible edible item known to man in chocolate and package it in huge quantities at a ridiculously low price. Is there any doubt why I am now on a bullet train to obesity?

School has been very good so far. Unfortunately, Elijah's summer friend Janey is not in his class, but many of his previous classmates who have befriended and looked out for him are. Sarah's efforts at "Mom School," though frustrating at times, will prove to be a great aid to Elijah as he navigates his classwork. Among one of the amazing aspects of Elijah's brain is his uncanny ability to remember names. As I walked the hallways with him the first day of class, I was struck at

how he greeted everyone he saw by name. Be it a teacher he has never had, a custodian, librarian or aide, he knew everybody's name. What warmed my heart though was that they all knew his name as well. There can be no better

feeling for a parent than to know the environment at their child's school is so open and warm.

So school is off to a good start. Piano lessons, after a month's hiatus, will start again in September. A social skills group is being formed with Elijah as one of its members. And every day as school lets out, he insists on hugging at least two classmates and talks excitedly about going back to class the next day. We know it is going to be a journey with Elijah, but he appears to be raring to go!

Hot Fun in the Summertime

This past weekend, we took a family road trip down to the area where Sarah grew up -- a trip that forced both Elijah and me to meet one of our dreaded enemies head-on: the great outdoors.

Sarah's father has for years wanted to show the two "outdoorsmen" the natural springs and river swimming areas in the wooded region around his hometown. So this past weekend, we followed him through winding two-lane roads to see some really gorgeous areas and swim at Rocky Falls, a true "swimming hole."

Although the heat and humidity was tough at times, the little guy and I survived. As we drove

down a stretch of highway, Elijah commented that this was "a very long street" and kept looking for a set of Golden Arches to convince himself that civilization was just around the corner. The swimming hole was a great success as everyone cooled off in the clean river. Elijah even donned a swim mask to view the fish and rock formations beneath his feet. (We have tried all summer to get him to wear goggles at the pool with absolutely no success. I guess a river offers more sights than the bottom of our park pool!)

But perhaps the most amazing aspect of the day occurred after we had taken a long and extremely curvy path, involving several country highway intersections that were indistinguishable from one another, to get to a spring. As we were headed back to the main highway, Sarah's dad wanted us to follow him on a different path than the one we had taken into the forest. When we reached the intersection at which her dad turned in the other direction, Elijah screamed from the back seat: "Wrong way! We need to go the other way." If we indeed had been heading back to the main highway to go to our hotel, the little guy, a human GPS, would have been absolutely correct.

So we survived our weekend in the forests of the Ozarks, with a great deal of help from the previously mentioned Golden Arches. (A take-out meal for Elijah allowed Sarah and me to eat at an "adult" restaurant while little guy chowed down on his McDonald's.) And little guy enjoyed the river so much that we are planning a canoe float trip next summer in the same area. Hmmm ... I wonder how long chicken selects stay warm while on the river?

Oh, the Places We'll Go

It was my privilege a couple of weeks ago to attend a conference in Philadelphia sponsored by Autism Speaks, which used a variation on the Dr. Seuss book "Oh, the Places You'll Go" as the conference theme. More than 200 people associated with Autism Speaks fundraising walks from coast to coast (and Canada) came together in the City of Brotherly Love to share experiences, hopes and dreams for all of our children who have been diagnosed as being on the spectrum. On a more personal note, this was the first time since Elijah was born that he and I had not spent the night under the same roof , which apparently was more difficult for me than for him. (After Elijah greeted me with a huge smile upon my return, his comment a few minutes later when didn't get his way was, "Daddy, I think you need to go back to Pennsylvania.")

Eight weeks of summer camp are coming to a close, and though it has been for the most part fun (or at least as much as we can ascertain from Elijah's limited vocabulary), there have been some moments of angst. Having escaped the "terrible twos," we are now going through the "execrable eights." Tantrums, brought on by the excessive heat, exhaustion or both, have reared their head on a couple of occasions. Luckily, those moments have passed quickly and sweetness (or at least the relative sweetness of an 8-year-old boy) returns. It also appears as if a new vocation -- as a tattoo artist (see photo at right) -- holds some promise

for the little guy.

His social skills continue to be a work in progress. He's moving forward, but the steps are awkward, and he does stumble on occasion. One can sometimes see the frustration he feels as he attempts to say the right thing, which in itself is a breakthrough. His interactions with his new friend Janey range from total indifference (a step back) to taking turns while playing a game, talking with her and responding to everyday social activities (major step forward). A recent visit involving music, bouncing and slipping and sliding featured much of those positive endeavors.

With one more road trip planned for next month (a visit to Sarah's parents and a nature (ugh) trip to the Ozarks), Elijah's summer has been one of real movement forward. Though there have been setbacks (rote speech patterns, short bursts of anger and tantrums that seem to come out of nowhere) the past few months have been positive and fun for the little guy. He continues to do well on the piano, "mom school" is getting him prepared for second grade, and he has actually shown some interest in playing a sport. Elijah loves "Oh, the Places You'll Go," and when I saw that the Autism Speaks conference had the same title, I thought that was a good omen. I can also say today that though Elijah will never be a "normal" kid, with the progress he is making, the words "Oh, the Places You'll Go" mean a little more in my heart than they did before. It won't be an easy journey, but at least he's starting on a path.

Another round with Elijah

A busy summer for Elijah has started, and if the first month is any indication, it will be a successful one. The last day of first grade was also our departure date for a trip out to California to see family, friends and clients. Outside of the continuing battle with Mom over who got to use the new Nook that Sarah got for the trip, the little guy was happy to see Grandpa and Grandma and to stay at "the little house at Aunt Kathy's." A trip to the Santa Monica Pier provided an opportunity to play at the beach and ride both a Ferris wheel and the Scrambler. A round of mini golf, an early birthday gift for Elijah of a Lotso Bear (from Toy Story 3) from our friends Judy and Marko, and a party (with cake) for Grandpa's 86th birthday rounded out a very pleasant but too-short vacation.

After we got back home, it was time to celebrate Elijah's birthday. Since we were going to be out of town on his special day, we decided to celebrate a few days early. Uncle George and Aunt Julie came by to share in a giant birthday cookie along with Elijah's new friend Janey, who not only was in his class this past year but also lives just a few doors down the street. Elijah really enjoyed having Janey over, and with some newfound social skills, he insisted on getting her a fork for her piece of cookie. Later they went down to the basement and played games together, with Elijah fully interacting with her on a level that would seem run-of-the-mill to most but was something beyond what we had seen before with him. Perhaps it's because Janey seems to understand Elijah quirkiness so well (she told her mom that if Elijah is ignoring her it isn't because he's being mean, it's because his brain doesn't work the same way as hers) that Elijah is so quick and happy to share and be a real friend to her. One day at the park pool, Elijah told me with a big grin on his face that his FRIEND Janey was about to go down the water slide. Again, that may be routine for some, but it's a major step forward for Elijah.

After receiving his birthday gift -- a coveted Buzz Lightyear action figure -- Elijah was on the road again as we headed down to Springfield, Mo., for a work reunion (Sarah's old job was at the newspaper there), a birthday trip to a water park and cave exploring with Grandpa and Grandma Smith at Fantastic Caverns, the only drive-through cave in the United States. Elijah insisted on bringing not just Buzz, but all the other characters from Toy Story on the trip. Hopefully, the people in the hotel room next to us weren't too startled by laser blasts and calls from Buzz for Space Rangers to attack, especially when they took place at the crack of dawn.

The water park was a huge success for the little guy. For years, Elijah has refused to go down the water slides at our local pools (this made little sense, since he had no fear of jumping off the high diving board). But at the water park, he went down slide after slide, rode a lazy river (well, had Dad push him!) and had a great time. Of course, the rainbow lollipop that he wanted (and got) made it a true birthday celebration. And, as the result of our trip, the local water slides now have a new customer.

While all of this has been occurring, Elijah has been going to camp four days a week, meeting with a social skills tutor twice a week and taking piano lessons once a week. All these activities have had an extremely positive impact on the little guy. Camp has awakened a desire to go out and play tennis with Dad. The social skills lessons seem to taking hold and have led to proper behavior (on occasion). Elijah is doing so well on the piano that Sarah was roused out of her sleep on the 4th of July by Elijah playing a spirited version of "Yankee Doodle Dandy." Of course, none of this progress would be as advanced if it wasn't for Sarah's "Mom School" daily lessons, which include math, reading comprehension and piano practice, along with occasional geography lessons. Her efforts have easily magnified any gains the little guy has made.

The biggest news in recent days has been the loss of a front tooth that seemed to be on the cusp of falling out for weeks. After what seemed like an eternity, it popped out on the ride home from camp one day. At this writing the tooth right next to it is barely still attached and if it comes out the title of this blog could have a double meaning: A round of golf or the results of

a round of boxing (Think of Leon Spinks.)

Spring into Summer

Although there have been no real new milestones since the last post, that doesn't mean there hasn't been any excitement around here. School has been a steady stream of good reports and projects, with Elijah excelling on his spelling tests, getting bonus words such as "valedictorian," "subterranean" and "corduroy" (yes, I needed spell check for them!) correct. He has gone through his lunch account faster than we can replenish it by going through the entree line twice a day to get an extra Uncrustable (a processed peanut butter and jelly sandwich), which we have plenty of in the house (for which we paid 1/4 of what it costs him at school).

Most important, he seems to have been accepted as

part of his class, with his classmates (especially the girls) attempting to interact as much as possible.

As previous posts have mentioned, there is one classmate, Sofia, that Elijah is really fond of, and she is really sweet to him. His affection can be seen clearly in their class picture below, as everyone, with one exception, is looking at the camera. Yes, he told us, he was looking at Sofia.

Elijah did something else pretty cute involving Sofia. After he begged us to invite her over one Friday immediately after school, we reminded him that "Miss Nikki," the KU graduate student working with him, was coming over. Though her visits are always something Elijah looks forward to, with the constant "Is Miss Nikki coming by today?", nothing was as important as Sofia coming by to play. So Sarah e-mailed Sofia's mom to ask if they could come over one day -- and the big date turned out to be a day that Nikki was there. The thought of having Miss Nikki there when Sofia arrived was too much for the little guy. He tore through his lesson and, once done, told Nikki as he was literally pushing her out the door: "You can't be here when Sofia comes over." Heaven forbid his "women" were to cross paths! Nikki did meet Sofia, but once Nikki was gone, the kids had a great time together playing both outside on our swing set and inside in the basement (especially in the bouncy house). It was a great day for Elijah, and hopefully there will be more visits in the future.

As for Miss Nikki, it appears as if her work with Elijah is near an end. Elijah is doing an excellent job with her math program and has reached the levels needed for her to use the data. She has been great with Elijah, and we are going to miss her visits, though she has promised to keep in touch and be part of our Autism Speaks walk team, Elijah's Wanderers. As I have told her, and anyone else who has worked with and moved Elijah forward, I will always consider them part of our extended family.

Another recent event was the first-grade musical, presented for the entire school (during the day) and parents (at night). Although he constantly wandered off the stage (to get drinks of water, he later said), Elijah delivered his line and sang along with the rest of the first-graders. Of course, there was a little girl assigned to make sure he stepped off the risers at the right time (which she did). His enthusiasm for the show has continued -- he now recites and sings all the songs when the mood hits him.

It will be a very busy next few weeks for the little guy. Graduation from first grade, a trip out to see relatives in California, the beginning of his annual summer camp with Miss Tiffany (along with the continuation of his piano lessons with her), and a trip to a water park and cavern ride for his birthday. As to what he wants for his birthday, Elijah has made it known that at least TEN characters from Toy Story 3 (although he will settle for just a Buzz Lightyear, which has already been purchased) and markers are high on his list. Of course, with Elijah being Elijah, he made one other request for a gift, something he wants for his room. He drew a picture of it and gave it to us...a snack machine:

And, as the close-up shows, he had definite ideas about what should be in it... Oreos, M&Ms, and Crunch and Hershey bars are among the mix.

So if the next time you see us, we all seem to be a little heavier, I guess it will mean that Dad has given in again.