It's official

I switch to part-time hours on Aug. 25. I'm giving up benefits. I'm giving up paid vacation. And I'm also giving up perpetual exhaustion and the sense that I'm not giving Elijah what he needs most from me at this point in his development -- a mom who is working with him and interacting with him in a meaningful way rather than trying desperately to catch up on sleep every afternoon before heading downtown for a work shift that doesn't end until at least midnight.

I'm not certain yet, but I think I'll be working my regular 4 til slightly-after-midnight shifts on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, plus a shortened shift (5:30 til 9:30) on Thursdays. Yes, those are some mighty crappy hours, but it's fewer mighty crappy hours than I have been working for many years now! Once I make the shift to part-time, working these hours completely eliminates the need for us to pay for any child care for Elijah, which is good since saving money will obviously become a priority for us at this point. (Note to immediate family: Don't expect Christmas/Hanukkah gifts this year. Probably not even those calendars plastered with pictures of Elijah that you've all graciously displayed in prominent places in your kitchens, at least when we are visiting!)

Of everything I'm giving up, somehow the paid vacation is the hardest. It's not just that I will very rarely be able to take any time off at all or to travel anywhere. It's the fact that for so many years, I anticipated hitting my 10-year mark and therefore becoming eligible for the maximum number of paid vacation/sick days (it's now the same thing at most companies). The maximum number is 29, and this is the first year I've been eligible for all of them. AND NOW I'M NOT TAKING THEM! For those of you who work in more flexible industries, 29 days might not seem like much. After all, to a teacher, 29 days off is ...... July. But to a copy editor, it's nirvana, even though we still work on days most people wouldn't even consider working after age 21 or so -- Christmas, July 4, Thanksgiving, etc.

But with my new schedule, I'll have three entire days off each week, and I'll be able to get to bed by 10:30 four out of every seven nights. So until some lottery jackpot comes our way, that will have to be my own sad little version of nirvana.